he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
