I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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