A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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