I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
send nudes
from the living room?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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