Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drake has all the answers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
