tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
