If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
