The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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