just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
