I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
