Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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