Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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