he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The adults are the big ones right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
