Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize