i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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