just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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