you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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