Welp...herpes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize