I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
