i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
