dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
