doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
