I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We are all done wearing pants today
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