My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
