pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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