I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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