Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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