its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
