No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
