i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
