just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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