i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
