"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
