you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
