I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
