can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
