sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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