I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
