When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
