she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
