omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I lost the right to judge tonight
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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