I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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