I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
