honey bunches of taint.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
