The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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