I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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