we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
