there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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