Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
