My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
