So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
