saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
