I met the friendliest cop last night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize