i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
