Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
