he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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