I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
