We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
