come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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