Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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