I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
