my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
