Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
